Once Upon a Time In London
by LadyNatasha
Summary: Collection of Short fics. Post Dawn, Pre Hellsing. EDIT: Sorry for the long update gap, I haven't been writing or drawing the last couple of months.
1. Unplanned Leave

The coroner waited for his next 'patient'. He sipped on a hot cup of coffee as they unloaded the corpse from the ambulance. " Poor bloke... he's frozen stiff," one of the men said, shaking his head. The coroner did some calculations in his head, trying to figure out how long before he could perform a proper autopsy. Unfortunately, the dead during this time of year sometimes came in slightly frozen.

" The found him on the bank of the Thames, didn't they?" The coroner asked, waiting to write down the information. The talkative nurse nodded. "Wait until you see what he's wearing... bit of an eccent..." The coroner gave the nurse an ugly look and his words trailed off. " The man is dead, what does it matter now?"

"Honestly, you do this every time you bring in some unfortunate soul in to my office..."

No one spoke the rest of the trip down the hall. The two nurses knew the coroner took his job very seriously; he made sure the dead in his care were treated with dignity and respect. "Stop here just a moment, would you?" The grim procession halted in the hallway. The coroner pulled the sheet back in order to examine the dead man. Thankfully, his eyes were closed and his expression was fairly peaceful. The coroner was a bit surprised to find the man's garments to be odd; his clothes were very turn-of-the-century.

The coroner frowned. He placed a hand on the dead man's cheek, pressing slightly. The man's body did indeed seem to be frozen almost solid. "You may want to place him in my office for now, otherwise he won't thaw enough for me to take care of him" The talkative nurse stifled a guffaw. " Henry, I don't want to have to tell you again..." The coroner warned, pinching the bridge of his nose. The nurse grimaced, murmuring an apology.

The coroner took his time getting back to the frozen man, taking care of several other people before he deemed him thawed enough to examine. He worked with his assistant; prying the difficult wet clothing off the body and preparing it for it's final examination.

The coroner thought it a bit odd that the corpse didn't smell at all. Usually, even a frozen body had some sort of odor about it. He set the thought in the back of his mind for contemplation later.

"We have a white, Caucasian male, black hair..." He stopped dictating to his assistant to lift the dead man's eyelid. The coroner's brows knit together as he examined the dead man's eye. He let the eyelid go, sat still for a moment, and then lifted it again. " Eyes are... well, they look red..." The coroner's assistant walked over to take a look. " Funny, he doesn't look like an albino..."

The coroner examined the roots of the dead man's hair. It was a glossy black all the way to the scalp... certainly his natural color. The coroner shook his head. Everything about this case seemed more and more peculiar as his examination went on. On a whim, he pushed the dead mans lip up to expose his teeth. The coroner was a bit shocked to find the man with very prominent set of elongated canines.

He heard his assistant drop his clipboard. " He's a vampire!" His assistant squealed, plastering himself against the far wall. "Oh, don't be ridiculous..." The coroner said, not feeling entirely confident in his own statement, " These can't possibly be real..." He went to remove a canine, gripping it firmly on either side. He pulled. The tooth didn't move. The coroner pushed the man's lip back as far as he could, looking for signs of oral surgery.

What sounded like a death rattle began to emanate from the body being examined. The coroner; shocked by the noise, leaned in to see if it was indeed emanating from the body. He could feel a cold breath emanating form the body on his cheek. What could be causing this phenomenon?

"Ge ye hns ah ma mfh." The garbled sentence made the coroner jump away form the dead man. Like a scene from a horror movie, the man began to rise off the table with a terrible moan. " Blech, latex." He muttered, trying to get the taste of the coroner's gloves out of his mouth.

The coroner's assistant began to scream in high, piercing intervals. The coroner froze where he stood, shock making his body lock up. The man on the table turned his attention to the wailing coroner's assistant. " Shut up." The coroner's assistant ceased his wailing. The supposedly dead man turned his attention to the coroner.

"Where are my clothes?" The man on the autopsy table asked, looking embarrassed. " We had to remove them... so... we could examine you," The coroner felt as if the words were forced form his body, " We were able to remove your coat in one piece... but we had to cut the rest off of your body."

"Then fetch it for me."

Arthur sat in his office, desperately trying to focus on a seemingly endless list of numbers and forms before him. Sadly, he had other things on his mind and couldn't concentrate at all. The phone began to ring suddenly, making him jump. "Hello...?" He mumbled, still lost in his own thoughts. "Arthur? I need you to send someone to pick me up at the morgue..."

Upon recognizing the voice on the other end of the line, Arthur jumped out of his seat, neatly knocking it over. " Alucard! Holy, Hell, where did you disappear to?!?" The vampire on the other end was silent for a moment. " How many days has it been?" He asked.

" You've been gone nearly a week and a half! I was beginning to think you'd run off somewhere..." Arthur paused. "... Why are you at the morgue?"

Alucard hesitated again before answering. " ... I'll explain later."

Walter walked into the morgue, glancing around for assistance. He caught sight of a coroner standing by an office door, sipping on a cup of coffee. "Yes, hello, I'm looking for someone, have you seen...?" The coroner turned to Walter, white-faced, and pointed to the door. A little baffled, Walter followed the man's silent instructions and stepped inside the office.

Alucard sat hunched over in a chair, covered only in his greatcoat. "What on earth happened to you?" The vampire moaned, standing up. " Do we really have to talk about this now? I'd really like to finish thawing out and get a decent pair of pants back on."


	2. Aches and Pains

Soft metallic noises and the occasional curse were all the sounds Walter made while working intently on a gun repair. He could become completely absorbed in his work for hours if no one disturbed him; and many nights he practiced his craft in to the early hours of the morning.

He could hear someone's feet shuffling hesitantly in the doorway. " Do come in. You're beginning to annoy me standing at the door like that." He didn't much care for being spied on at a distance. He continued to work while his late night visitor walked slowly across the room.

" What is it? Rats? Blown fuse? Arthur fallen asleep at his desk?" He grunted attempting to dislodge a scrap of unwanted metal.

" Actually... it's a toothache." Walter jumped at the sound of the deep familiar voice. The younger man looked up to see the older vampire looking uncomfortable and embarrassed before him.

"... Your tooth?" Walter didn't believe that vampires were prone to; or could even have cavities. Alucard tossed his head in an embarrassed nod. The vampire could take great punishment without even flinching, so it surprised Walter that he'd developed an ache of any kind. Walter heaved a heavy sigh; he only hoped it wasn't anything serious.

" Sit."

Looking thoroughly shamed, the vampire sat and waited for his companion to return from washing his hands. He obediently opened his mouth when Walter reapproached him. Walter pulled one of Alucard's cheeks gingerly aside in order to get a better look. His jaw dropped when he saw what indeed looked very much like the degradation of two teeth in a mouth of otherwise immaculate bicuspids. Looking closer, he could see a metallic... something ... lodged between the two damaged teeth.

Instinctively, Walter reached for a pair of pliers. He barely noticed Alucard's eyes widening as he reached into the vampire's mouth.

Walter grasped the offending object and pulled sharply. With a grunt from both parties, the object ended its unwelcome stay in Alucard's mouth. Walter puzzled over the mysterious piece of metal while Alucard massaged the side of his jaw where it had been.

" Is this... piece of a cross?!?" The young butler exclaimed, looking up from the metal fragment. He growled and cursed. Alucard had left as soon as he was distracted.

He threw himself back in his chair. Walter reached for the gun he was working on, when a beautifully clean piece of paper caught his eye. Picking it up off the table, he found 'thank you.' written on one side; underneath was a beautiful and ancient coin.

The butler picked up the coin and placed it in the pocket of his waistcoat. Still smiling, he went back to work.


	3. The Little Things

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The high-pitched death wail echoed across the Hellsing Manor. Walter; the ever-mindful butler that he was, stopped what he was doing and went dashing toward the location from which the scream had emanated.

Out of breath, he politely rapped on the door of Sir Integra's private chambers before thrusting it open. She was a blossoming young lady, after all. "Sir Integra? Are you alright?"

" In here…" A very embarrassed Sir Hellsing called from her private bathroom. Aside from being very pink in the face, the young lady of the house seemed otherwise well. "What on earth was that scream for?" Breathless, the old butler glanced around for what may have caused the disturbance.

" Oh, well… it was… nothing…" Integra twisted her toe back and forth on a smooth bathroom floor tile in embarrassment.

Walter's brows knitted together. " It wasn't Alucard, was it?"

"What? NO!" The young lady seemed shocked that her servant would even suggest the vampire would do something so crass as to peek on her while undressing. " It was… it was…" She tossed her head in the direction of the tub.

" It was what?" Walter glanced at the tub. It didn't even have water in it. He turned his confused gaze back on Integra.

" It was a… a sp… a spi….."

" A spy? Was someone spying on you through the window?!?" Angered by the thought, the butler dashed to the small, high bathroom window and looked out.

" NO!" Integra; now red as a cherry, thrust her finger down at the tub. Adjusting his monocle, the Hellsing servant turned his attention once more to the tub.

There by the drain, a fuzzy black spider was making a futile attempt to escape its porcelain prison.

Walter bent down and retrieved the troublesome arachnid with the aid of a small piece of paper.

" Walter!"

The butler stopped on his way out the door. " Yes, my lady?"

" You won't tell anyone about this, will you?"

He smiled. " Of course not."

They exchanged relieved smiles and parted ways.


	4. The Halloween Prank

It was All Hallows Eve, and all was quiet within the Hellsing manor. Not even the perpetually moving butler stirred this evening; he sat in his chamber, reading by the light of a small lamp.

Outside at the front gate was a different story.

"I'm gonna do it this year!" A group of three boys stood outside the old Iron Gate. They were dressed for the occasion- one was wearing a sheet in imitation of a ghost, one was all in red with horns and a tail in semblance of a devil, and their leader was dressed in imitation of a cinema vampire.

The Devil was the only one to voice his dissent. " We've been walking all the way up here for three blinking years, and we've NEVER knocked on that door!" He crossed his arms across his chest in an attempt to hide the shiver that being in this place gave him.

"Then why do you come every year?" The Vampire pushed the unsecured gate open and proceeded toward the forbidding door. The Ghost reluctantly followed, but stopped to see if the Devil was coming along.

"Go on! He won't make it to the door anyways..." The Devil stayed in his place by the gate, his eyes defiant but curious.

Two shadowy figures watched the spectacle from a window above.

" I'm gonna do it!" The Vampire had reached the door. He'd never made it this far. The Ghost stood at the foot of the stairs, unable to summon the courage to stand before the ominous portal.

The Vampire turned to goad his companion into climbing the stairs when one of the massive oak doors swung aside.

"Can I help you?" A man who could only be the butler stood on the other side of the door. He was rail thin; his glossy black hair and monocle shone in the golden light that streamed out of the doorway. The Vampire swallowed hard. "Trick... Trick or treat..." The Ghost and the Vampire chorused weakly.

"Oh, of course!" The butler touched his temple with a white-gloved hand. "It's Halloween. How forgetful of me. Do wait here in the hall while I find you a treat."

The Ghost and The Vampire waited nervously in the hall as the butler disappeared. "We made it, we made it!" The vampire embraced his companion briefly. "This isn't so scary." The Ghost observed, his sheet turning with his head.

"What is this?" A man had glided halfway down the stairs, somehow going unnoticed until that exact moment. "Happy Halloween sir!" The Vampire smiled and waved at the man. " Walter must be fetching you candy. How hospitable of him."

Without making a sound; their tall dark host came gliding down the stairs, his raven black hair and cape streaming behind him.

"And what are you supposed to be?" His scrutiny made the two boys squirm. "Imma ghost..." The sheet-wearing boy declared weakly.

"And you?" The man's wine-dark eyes held The Vampire fast. " I'm a... I'm a..." He stuttered, unable to look away from the man's burning gaze.

" Vampire?" The cloaked man finished for him. The boy nodded weakly. The man grinned, exposing his leonine fangs. "So am I."

"You have a really nice costume..." The vampire boy murmured.

"Costume...? This is no costume."

Booming laughter and a flock of bats drove the screaming children out of the Manor and down the lane; back to their homes to wish they'd never dared venture out on that fateful evening.

"Were the bats necessary?" Walter stood grinning in the doorway leading into the hall.

"Absolutely!" Alucard exclaimed, his grin practically splitting his face. " This is the best Michaelmas I've ever had!"


End file.
